. i've fallen down } avery

[lacey callahan.]

[click above]

Her eyes filtered the darkening light, thankful for the colors of the world. What if she were color blind? She would simply not live. That was for sure. Her arms were crossed, sitting atop her folded knees and looking out to the lake. Her butt and feet were on the ground, in a sitting position, making her seem almost non-existant. She was a very small girl, and it was easy to look like you weren't there. The sun was setting, and the lake shimmered, seeming as if it were begging the sun to stay; clinging on to it's light like it would never see it again. The picture was burning a hole in Lacey's pocket. She clung to it, searching for the light, just as the lake did. Her face was solemn and she didn't budge from her spot, but her arms trembled to remove themselves from their tight grip around her legs. She resisted and continued to look calmly across the water.

If only time flew like a dove; maybe Avery and Lacey would be together. But that was all in the past now. She looked like a statue, just sitting there as the sun went down through the mountains, the water pleading for its light to continue to shine across its surface. It was putting up more of an effort now, the sun still shining across its surface. A voice inside her head told her to move from that place, leave the memories. Forget the things that Avery had brought you; the happiness, the sheer elation. The catlist for his break was but an unknown variable of the mathematical equation in Lacey's life. Something unsolved and unisolated. In any case, Lacey didn't make an effort to solve for that variable. She was far too caught up in finding a solution to her heartache instead of the cure to the equation. The water was still, but her heart's ocean was raging. A storm had errupted inside, and things weren't what they used to be. Why did life get so complicated all of a sudden? The only thing Lacey had to hold on to was a broken heart and a ripped soul.

She knew nobody else was around. It was sunset, and everybody was finishing dinner, taking walks, or doing some other crazy thing depending on what cabin the were in. Yosemites. The good girls of Brunswick. Always goody goody, never doing anything wrong. Either that or they had no guts at all. The Sequoias. Now those girls had guts. They did everything to tick off Elliot and his counselors. Oh yes, it was a fun life. Yellowstones. Ohyes, the drunken and party boys. Wild and crazy, but somehow Lacey wasn't attracted to it all. After all, she really wasn't fond of alcohol or drugs. She wouldn't even touch a cigarette. Then there were the Mammoths. The kind, boys that cared. The boy she fell for belonged to this group; and now she had lost him to the counseling. Of course, she didn't believe he left her just for this. There had to be another reason for it. Another reason that he would just abandon her. Now he was over her and with another counselor? This all made no sense in Lacey's mind, but her figure didn't budge; as if it were a statue glued to the edge of the water.

Tears sprang and stung her eyes, running down her face and onto her jeans. She remained still, and her eyes continued to watch the sun setting. Things were always horrible nowadays for Miss Callahan. She saw Avery. She saw the way he looked at her. It was all over, and there was nothing Lacey could do about it. Her lips parted and she let out a shaking sigh, tears still sliding down her porcelain skin. She didn't care, because nobody was here. Or so she thought.

[avery matthews.]

Under the plain white tee shirt, his stomach was really not agreeing; a few grumbles came from under the safety of his palm as it flattened over the material, dark brown eyes shutting for a moment. Too much pizza, probably. Pizza was the night’s dinner option, along with salad, and Avery had had at least two too many slices. Bad idea. Of course, he was a little distracted by his boys and the eating contest going on to think about the number of pizza slice he was shoving into his mouth-- which just so happened to be number eight. Or so. But Avery was used to eating a lot; usually he ate whatever he could get his hands on. Then, he would jog it off-- or sprint, depending on which his stomach would allow. Tonight, it seemed to be none of the above, though. His legs were pulled to his chest, chin resting atop his knee cap, eyes opened and wandering over the stilled surface of the lake. It was so peaceful, to say the least-- it almost made the counselor want to go to sleep. It was fair, though; it was nearly ten and it had been a long day out on that very lake-- kayaks, canoes, row boats, etcetera. The sort of things Avery pretty much lives for.

Letting a soft breath fall from his lips, Avery blinked for a moment before pulling himself off the floor, brushing dirt and leaves off the material of his sweat pants, loose and cozy, falling slightly off his hips as he tugged at his white tee shirt. Plaid boxers were clearly visible over the rolled brim of his grey sweat pants, baggy and warm against the chilly air the nighttime brought upon them that night. The sun had since set and there were only traces of moonlight and bright stars along the water’s surface, though plenty of lamps littering the area to brighten the darkness. Shoving a few strands of dark brown hair off of his forehead and out of his eyes, Avery set off. Instead of sandals, tonight, he chose a pair of white running shoes, beaten and clearly used often, as his usual attire would hurt like a bitch if a twigs or something equally as sharp had managed to get inside. And, when running, it was much more comfortable anyhow.

You know how it gets when you’re focused, right? Everything else just fades away. Avery used this tactic often-- he ran three times a day, rather short distances, each to just get his mind off of things. For example, it was nearly torture to have to see a certain fiery redhead in the mess hall each day, out on the water, at some of the Yellowstone parties, etcetera. So, Avery resorted to this-- running. And nothing else mattered. The rhythm of his beating heart carried him along, his shallow pants as he stepped carefully and quickly over obstacles in his path, careful not to fall over them. Until, he was completely off into lalaland, literally. Nothing else was clear to him. The environment blurred, only occasionally did the chirping of birds break through his sound barrier, and usually it was only the lit path before him that mattered. But soon enough even the dim light of his path had disappeared, the only thing on his mind was breathing and running, synced perfectly for his natural routine.

Surprisingly the lesson of actually watching where he’s going hasn’t sunk in, yet, because he was off in no where land when he got caught on something, heading face first into the lake-- yes, physically into the lake. “FUCKKKKK!” Oh what a clean mouth he has, right? Mid-air, practically flailing, a rather large splash of lake water onto whatever he tripped over, probably. Finally surfacing, he shook out his hair like a dog, keeping the dripping ends from his eyes as he inhaled the fresh air deeply. Panting, still, from his little run, and the scare of flying into the icy water, Avery shut his eyes for a moment. Taking a deep breath, he finally reached a spot where he could touch the ground, his body taken by the slight current of his body’s disruption towards the edge once more. Of course, it was only then that he realized it wasn’t a log, a large stone, or his own feet that he had tripped over-- it was a person. And not only a person, but the person he’s always trying to avoid, just for the sake of himself.

“Fuck,” he spoke once more, eyes widened slightly, skin flushing, goose bumps from the cold water surfacing on his skin. White tee shirt was sticking to his chest, probably showing the usual silver chain hanging low around his neck floating in the water, his sweat pants nearly slipping off until he made a violent grab for them. “I’m…er, sorry. I wasn’t…I didn’t…sorry,” he stuttered, rubbing the back of his head softly.

[lacey callahan.]

Lost in deep thought, Lacey wouldn't notice anybody. Of course, assuming that nobody was here in itself was distracting from any thought of another being. It wasn't until somebody plunged headfirst into the water that Lacey jumped and screamed. Loosing her footing, she plunged sideways into the water. She surfaced with a gasp for air, shaking her head from the water, her feet touching the ground of the lake, she was grabbed by somebody. The boy that had frightened her in the first place. She let out a scream of frustration, moving the hair from her eyes and saw Avery Matthews. She was glad that the water was a false excuse for the water and puffy eyes on her face. "You ass. What the hell? Don't you watch where you're going?" she scoffed at him, moving from the water and sat on the ledge of the river. She was furious with him, and this little act just ticked her off even more.

She wasn't just going to let him soak in that water, so she held out her hand to him, pulling him in so he sat next to her. Old Lacey would've burst out laughing at him. Old Lacey would've kissed him on the cheek and grabbed a towel for both of them. But that was the old days. This was the present time. Lacey didn't have plain strawberry colored hair. She wasn't a fifteen-going-on-sixteen girl anymore. For one, she definately didn't miss her old hair. She loved her new locks of bright red, orange, and yellow. For two, she was now 17, just out of highschool and at a camp. Last and however, she did miss the old times when she had the right to bounce up at him, kiss him, and laugh. It seemed that as the days from the break to now dragged on whenever she thought of it; She missed the old days when they were innocent. They didn't care, and they were together. But she had a feeling that those days wouldn't return.

Her eyes went back to the boy now next to her who mumbled some incoherant things. She distinctly remembered hearing somebody shout the f word all the way into the water. Then he mumbled it in her direction as she helped him and herself out of the water. Now, she wrung out her hair and looked over at him. Her eyes were still red and puffy, and water still dripped from them, but she wasn't sure if they were from the lake or her own made tears. In any case, she hoped he wouldn't notice that she had been crying her heart out over him. He probably would notice; he'd been with her a long time and seen her cry many times. She just hoped. . .but there wasn't any hope for her, was there? Their life together had a fire, and that fire was extinguished. But maybe she shouldn't be so pessimistic after all. Maybe she should. In any case, her throat ached as he sat next to her, his well chiseled body showing through the white tee, the chain beneath it apparent. She then remembered his sweatpants and looked away when he made a desperate grab for them. Now, however, they were safely covering him. She almost laughed, but couldn't muster up the happiness. Instead she smoothed out her hair and sighed.

OHOHSEE, eek. i wanted her to fall in too so i guess i modified a few of avery's actions. :/ sorry.

[avery matthews.]

Before he knew it, he was clinging onto the girl’s figure as she had fallen in as well, then in his ridiculous apology came out as she sat on the edge. That was, of course, before she had began to spit at him, her words ripping his insides. Surprisingly, they made him angry-- like it was his fault that he had tripped. Because that was his intention all night-- too fall into the bloody lake. “God damn, calm the fuck down, it’s not like I meant to,” he spat in return, arms folding over his chest. That was, until he had all the reason to drown himself, because she was actually being decent to him. Deep, chocolate brown eyes wavered over the familiar feeling of her hand, considerably smaller than his own, clutched between his fisted fingers and his palm. He probably shouldn’t be remembering the things he was at such a simple touch, but everything came flooding back to him; hit him like an on-coming train. Shaking it off quickly, he shook his head and hoisted himself onto the edge of the water, legs pulled into a pretzel shape underneath him slightly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to…er, trip on you. Or make you fall in. Or…yell at you. I’m sorry,” Avery said finally, breaking the heavy silence between the two darkened figures. He almost added ‘and for breaking your heart, along with my own’, but that was probably inappropriate, especially considering the situation, so he bit his tongue with that one.

Tugging once more at his shirt, unsticking it from the skin of his chest for a moment, letting it drop down more neatly and flatly as he simply sighed and shut his eyes. This was not how Avery planned his night to be; he had planned on running, just running for hours, and then sleeping, sleeping for hours as well. He had not planned on falling into the lake, or running into Lacey, most of all. For the week they’d been at camp, he’d managed to keep his distance-- he knew he couldn’t face her dark brown eyes, reminding him so much of his reflection in the mirror, or her usually enthusiasm about…well, everything. And you know what? His assumption was exactly right; just seeing her there, sitting alone in the darkness made him want to burst into tears-- which is really saying something, because Avery is not an emotional boy. Either way, Avery glanced over at her absently, eyes widened slightly, the silence between them making his lungs clog up, his eyes narrow slightly into the darkness, the only thing very distinct in the dim lighting was her bright coloured hair and creamy, pale skin. Avery could still feel the goose bumps on his arms, and his skin was chilled, a few drops of water still making their way along his body, mostly down his arms and legs. His shirt still produced a large amount of water droplets, along with his oversized sweatpants, those still slipping slightly-- plaid boxers were easily visible in the space between the brim of his sweatpants and his tee shirt.

“So…er, how’ve you been?” Stupid question, she’s probably better off without you in her life. She’s probably got a boyfriend, her brother, a group of friends better than you’ll ever be… Even his own conscious was against him tonight, it seemed. But, deep down, Avery knew it was true. Lacey probably was better off without seeing him ever again, and if it wasn’t for his lack of attention, she wouldn’t have. Regardless, she had-- they had -- and Avery was at a loss for words. Even with his question hanging in the air, the silence closed in on them like thick wool blankets, clogging his lungs and suffocating him. With a deep breath, though, Avery had only realized that it was his own fault-- he was so caught up in his own web of messed up emotions and crazy thoughts, that his brain was too busy to remember to breath. Sucking in the fresh air greedily, Avery looked back at the lake, fingers absently working to unstick a few strands of hair off his forehead, eyes shutting carefully. He was, honestly, half expecting her to slap him across the face and leave, yelling profanities at him-- he wouldn’t blame her; he deserved it.

[lacey callahan.]

He yelled at her, and the words burned her heart. She nearly burst into tears again, but just let a few burn down her face. She hoped he wouldn't notice it through the drops of lake water. With a steady, strained sigh she wiped the tears and drops of water from her face with the jacket that rested next to her. It was plain black; plan and black. She handed it to him. "I know. I'm sorry too." she finally said, her throat aching and voice straining to contain a steady tone. This was a painful encounter; seeing him here. They had been here once before, taken that picture. She then remembered it in her pocket. It was porbably all messed up now. Then she remembered that she had placed it in the pocket of the jacket. She just mentally shrugged it off and promised herself to rid of the memory later. For now, she was facing Avery Matthews; the boy that had caused her all this pain.

She smoothed down her hair again, untangling the strands from her eyes and mindfully pouting invisibly. This was going to be just all fun to get out, wasn't it? Those tangles represented her mind at the moment; what was she supposed to do? This unkind meeting was making it harder to control herself. Half of her wanted to punch something, and the other half wanted to sit there and cry. Some part of her wanted to kiss him passionately. Her eyes filled with tears, and her lungs were filled with an ache. She fought the stupid drops that sprang to her eyes, flooding them from unnatrual liquid. She remembered when they took the picture; it was a hot day, and the sun was setting just like it had been before Avery had arrived. The day had been filled with a fun atmosphere, happiness overwhelmed the two beings. Lacey ahd brought her develop camera, and had a passing camper snap a shot of the two; But that was the past, just like Lacey had reminded herself so many times before. It was the past, and nothing changed the past. Some things may change the future, but Lacey was anything but optimisitic right now. Her heart thumped as he asked a question.

"I miss you." she said, her voice strained, cracking slightly. It was now apparent that she was having trouble holding back the emotional blow of seeing him. "A lot." said Lacey, in a near whisper. She spoke nothing but the truth for him, and a tear slipped down her face again, this time apparent since she had wiped the water droplets from it. Her throat was sore, her vocals strained, and her body trembling. What a great day. Her body shook slightly out of the temperature, it was a slightly chilled breeze. She thought of the day. She hadn't expected to fall for Avery. Literally. Nor in a lake. She'd probably catch a cold, wake up tomorrow and feel like her head's going to explode. Between crying and freezing from the night air, she wouldn't do so hot. An exasperated breath was let out, and the tention was in the air. Lacey felt as if she could almost cut through it. She held her breath in fear that more hot tears would spill down her face. She sucked in a breath and waited for the silence to end.

[avery matthews.]

Avery wanted to tell her that she had no right to be sorry, that none of this was her fault, but his mouth opened and no words came out. His throat, too, ached, and his voice would probably be groggy and hardly audible if anything had come out-- it was like someone inside him slashed his vocal chords, leading him speechless. “Don’t,” he finally got out, though a little more harshly than he had planned. His eyes narrowed slightly, fingers fumbling in his lap, head turning so he was once more looking at her-- really looking at her, like he used to. “Don’t be sorry,” he repeated, this time a little softer, much more caring and sincere than most he had said that whole night. He wanted to explain further, but he really had no way of doing so. Avery had many ways of explaining why she was hurting so much, as well as himself, but he wasn’t about to go into that. What was he supposed to say? He was afraid? He liked guys? He didn’t love her anymore? Only one would be even remotely true, and he couldn’t handle lying to her anymore-- not ever. He couldn’t do it back when they were together, and he couldn’t do it to this day, even if lying to him was probably the easiest task in the world for her.

It was probably far from appropriate to even think about touching her, but watching her cry-- over him, no less- was making a piece of his heart tear off by the second-- no, by the milisecond. It was ridiculous. Avery shut his eyes, shaking his head, slowly at first, then swaying faster until it was a steady shake, his mind jumbling all of the thoughts efficiently. He looked over at her again, eyes opened slowly, wide and slightly bright, maybe a bit easier to point out with the gloss and the reflection of the moonlight. His deep irises were, as usual, a slip into his emotions-- sometimes he hated it, but for once he wanted to let her know just how he felt without actually telling her. Lacey had always been good with reading him, just like a children’s story with big, huge, illustrated pictures. Sighing softly, Avery swallowed the lump in his throat and lifted his arms around her. Avery knew that, again, touching her was probably a bad idea, but he wanted to feel her in his arms once more, even if it was only for less than a second until she fought from his grip. “Please don’t cry,” he begged simply, eyes shutting tightly, forehead wrinkling as his eyebrows knitted fiercely.

“I missed you, too,” Avery said softly, eyes still shut, his mind welcoming the darkness his eyelids provided. “Fuck, I miss you,” he corrected himself, inhaling softly, her familiar scent washed out by the fresh water of the lake. The water of that which still clung to his skin, his clothing, and his hair, causing what looked like teardrops to fall down his cheeks. But Avery doesn’t cry. He won’t. He feels it, but he won’t. He would claim that it was for Lacey’s sake-- that he would be strong for her sake-- but it was really for his own. If he let his emotions run free, God only knows what he would say in such a state. Avery can remember the night he did it like it was yesterday; it was late, he was bawling, along with Lacey once they had parted ways, and his room was trashed by the time he was passed out on his bed. Lamp was broken, sheets were scattered around the room, drawers were torn apart, practically, with their contents strewn around the room-- it was madness, I tell you! Kinda like breaking up with Lacey-- complete madness. You better damn believe that he regrets that day every single day of the year; he always wishes that he could take it back, though he knows he can’t. Unfortunately. But, facing that very girl once more made the feeling in his eyes burn stronger, as they would only on certain days-- anniversaries they would be sharing together if he wasn’t such an idiot, certain places they would still be enjoying together it, again, he wasn’t such an idiot, etcetera. Some people make mistakes in their life, sure, but Avery regretted this one from the moment he made it, whereas it takes most people-- the ignorant ones-- nearly a lifetime.

[lacey callahan.]

Her words couldn't express her pain, let alone the tears that fret over her face. Her worries had become reality, she couldn't be here. She had to leave, or her heart wouldn't exist anymore. It would be torn into many pieces; Avery should just leave them alone. But he didn't, his next words surprised Lacey. He spoke to her in a harsh tone. Don't? Don't what? Don't like him? Don't cry? Don't yell? Don't scream? These thoughts were all crushed when he let out his next words. Lacey almost wailed, but she kept her pain to herself and let another tear slide down her face. What did she do to deserve this? Don't test her limits, she'd knock somebody out usually. But this, oh this had weakened our little spark of fire. It had been so long since it had happened, the extinguishing of the gleam in her eyes. That night a year ago,when the two split and went their ways. That was the only night it had went out. It was back the next morning, of course, once she had realized she had to get over him. But now; now it was gone again. She was angry with herself. How could she be so weak? Only he could do this to her.

She was so frightened that she didn't notice the boy shaking his head free of the thoughts that clouded his mind. She closed her eyes and tried to stop the tears; fewer fell, but she failed in the killing of the whole of the waterworks. She stared at the lake, it was now dark and the moon was high. He wrapped his arms around her and she heaved what she thought sounded like a pathetic sigh, resting her head on his damp chest. She was a little overwhelmed at the moment, in case you couldn't notice. She loved the feel of his arms securely wrapped around her, and she wasn't sure if it was right but she didn't care at the moment. Right now was about them, and nobody could stop time. Her mind wandered to all those times he had hugged her, and she took them so for granted. She would die to be hugged by him like this once more, her heart's hunger nawing at her conciounse. His scent was slightly washed from him by the lake water, but she was thankful she could smell just a slight hint of it in his clothes.

She was thankful for this, it kept her half sane. things were going to be okay now? How was she to be sure of this statement in her mind. The thoughts flooded, he didn't want her. He just felt sorry. . . He asked her not to cry; but how? Two slid down and onto his chest, warmth proceeding over her face as if a heater had been placed there, burning her cheeks. She didn't look up at him as he spoke, but was comforted by his words. He missed her too? Lacey comprehended these words for a moment. He missed her. He misses her. So it isn't only her that feels that way. But her mind wandered into the depths of despair again. Then why did he split with her? Lacey regretted not questioning him herself, and regretted not putting up a fight. Why, why,.why? This was a word with question itself, blooming into more question and agonizing quizzing of mind. There had to be some reason behind it all, even if it meant that Avery did like boys. Or he was having an affair with one of the counselors. Her heart was broken, but could this possibly mend it's shattered state? It's pathetic, weak manor of living? It hardly beat anymore, and Lacey often put on a mask of happiness for those around her. She was slowly dying inside, and she couldn't do anything about it. But she had to do something, but what? What were they going to do? Both Avery and Lacey were having some internal war of what was right and what was wrong. But which was which anyways? "What are we going to do?" her voice was weathered, and hoarse as she voiced her thoughts to the man she so desperately clung to. They would have to get through it somewhere. As of now? They stood, wet and miserable together in eachothers arms.