thinking;tooMUCH[open]

[Kylie Weaver]

_{Where are we going without ever knowing the way?}

Kylie sat crosslegged in the middle of a field of various wildflowers. The delicate little plants framed her slim figure perfectly, creating a picturesque scene. The girl spun a daisy in her thin, slightly tanned fingers, watching the yellow petals whirl around untli they blurred together. A small smile crept onto her face, and she sighed contentedly. The happy sigh faded quickly to a lingering sadness, which she did her best to disregard. Today had been an inexplicably off day, just one of those days where nothing seemed to go quite according to plan. That in and of itself was a horror. Kylie loved her plans, loved them with all her heart. She liked knowing what was coming and when. Nevertheless, today had been a long day and she was deeply, profoundly glad that it had finally come to an end.

Her bright red dress fell just above her knees, ending in a burst of yellow detailing. The outfit was playful, vibrant, cheerful, everything that Kylie was on the inside. To the outside world, a quiet, timid, sweet girl was seen. Not to say that none of those qualities were truly Kylie, of course they were. She was a girl of contradictions, however. One could not pin down her personality unless they truly got to know her. Her hair hung in thick, dark brown waves to her shoulders, the waning light of the sun bringing a dark, pretty quality to the girl’s profile. With an exasperated sigh, she flung herself back onto the flower bed, staring up at the sky above her. Reds, oranges and pinks painted the sky in an array of gorgeous colors as the sun dipped below the horizon. Sunset was one of Kylie’s favorite times of day, along with sunrise and twighlight. She was an early riser, though she remained relatively dead to the world until a more reasonable hour. A sigh escaped from her lips as she watched a cloud lazily drift across the heavens. She was bored. It happened often, and she despised it. Boredom left too much time to think. Time to think meant she had more time to dwell on the hopelessly tangeled web that was her life.

She really liked Oliver. She knew that was true, but she hated the fact. He had no idea she felt any more for him then what he felt for her; he was perfectly content in his belief that they were simply the best of friends.While she loved having him as a friend, she wanted more. It was greedy, selfish, horrible and silly, but she couldn’t help it. With another sigh, she remembered the latest girlfriend. Duray was a pretty, outgoing, energetic girl; namely everything that Kylie wasn’t. She and Oliver were adorable together, of course. It was killing Kylie to have to sit by and watch, but she really had no choice. Oliver really liked the girl, and she did want him to be happy. Was it so much to ask that he be happy with her and not some other girl?

It was all too confusing to think about, she decided, twirling the daisy again between her fingers. Then, it hit her. She simply wouldn’t think about it. She would stop hoping that Oliver would someday want to be with her. She would stop whining about how she was too shy for her own good and actually do something about it. That would work, right? She sure as heck hoped so.But what could she do? Her mind whirled busily for a few more minutes, before she decided to screw it all and do whatever the heck she wanted. She was overthinking things, AGAIN, and that was absolutely not cool.

With a frustrated groan she hurled the flower through the air, in an unknown direction. She wanted, possibly for the first time in her life, someone to talk too. She was tired of keeping secrets, tired of being quiet and shy and timid. The point was, she was downright bored and needed to keep her mind off of..well..everything, before she overthought it all so much that she simply exploded. Can't have that happening now can we?

[Brie Marie Andra]

;;;brie marie andra

[/font]
.....BOO[/color][/font]
[/right]

Brie woke up to a killer headache, but then again she should have used to them. She was too mush of a partier not to have a cure but it still hurt like hell to wake up. “God, is today really necessary?” she spoke in a gruff voice, mad that the sun was interrupting her beautiful sleep one that she needed bad. So now, the sun was poring in illuminating over Brie bad mood. She rolled over to the other side of the bed the one covered in a dim light and tried to fall back asleep. She laid face down on her bed her body spread out in a spread eagle on her bed. A few minutes passed had passed when she figured she needed to breathe. Lifting her face, she faced the decision that in her mind was the hardest one she would make today. Sleep out her hangover and skip her activities for the year or just wake up and find a place to chill for a while. She figured to go with the latter seeing how the first had gotten her in trouble the last time she played hokey.

Brie finally made her way out of her bed and pulled out the first thing that caught her eye. She showered then changed into her clothes. She pulled her long sleeved green on followed by a gold sequence half-vest. After she finished button she reached for her favorite black skirt that wasn’t too tight but still made her curves known. Usually she was subtle had then, not under big baggy clothes because that act would make people curious and imagine what was under there. So she used the only good thing her mother taught her and hid her curves until she met Mr.Mirand her therapist. He helped her a lot on the way she should dress and think of herself. She still drank, partied, and threw up whatever she ate but she was getting better. Last night just wasn’t a good example. She shook her head, put on black leggings with green lightening bolts. She usually hated them, she never wore skirt, and she wasn’t going around with all of her fat hanging out. She had been told many times that she had killer legs but her mother had crushed that compliment along with any self-esteem that Brie had gained from it. She wore various accessories, a goldish yellow belt, three long beaded necklaces, and big hoop earrings. She loved the flash of light that she eluded.

She was feeling a little hyperactive now with her headache and nausea receding, she wondered if Raid was going to show up. He was her… friend, the catch was that no one else could see him. She didn’t care that she seemed a little crazy but they- there were more- only came out when her emotion were on a high. Like if she was hyperactive, or playing a prank, getting in trouble, drunk or having sex. They were like her own little friends that told her what to do and what not to. Thad Mirand, her thereapist had told her that she had made her conscience into realistic people so that she could relate to them as a child, but she didn’t care. There were far too many pictures to color, dolls to play with . But she was seventeen this year and they still came around, though their visits were few and far in between.

Brie made her way to the willows. She was bored out of her mind and she wanted a little fun, not the fun she had before but s tame kind of entertainment. She didn’t feel like parting or doing anything risky tonight, she was to relax, which was rare for her. She had never felt this way before, she took it as a one-time thing, but she didn’t care. She needed to find a friend. Someone she could talk to, and hang out with without expecting something in return. She needed that kind of relationship. That was what Thad had told her before. But she didn’t really listen to him, but now she was beginning to understand.

While Brie was thinking intensely, she began to hum a lullaby that was familiar to her. She didn’t know where it had came from, it couldn’t have came from her mother because she couldn’t imagine her mother singing her a lullaby to sleep. She was still humming when a flower floated in her face. She blew it away from her face and glanced at when it had came from. There was a girl in a pretty dress not so far away from her, and Brie couldn’t help but go to her, she seemed so sad. She smiled a friendly smile and picked up the fallen flower. “Do you usually maul random people with flowers?” She handed the flower back as if it was a gift. [/font][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Kylie Weaver]

_{Where are we going without ever knowing the way?}

What Kylie needed more than anything else was a friend. She had a friend. A best friend, even. But the singular problem with that friendship, was that he was essentially the reason she was pretty much miserable at the current moment. What she needed was someone whom she could talk to, unconditionally, about everything, who wouldn’t run off and tell the world, or take it personally like he would. Kylie couldn’t make friends though, it scared the hell out of her. Something in her personality just would not let her open up to people, she was simply too shy. She needed to overcome it, she really did.

She was sitting there thinking about how she needed to be more cheerful, or she needed to learn how to open up to people, or she needed to just get the heck over Oliver already, when she heard a lullaby drifting on the breeze and sighed. It was familiar somehow, maybe she had heard it before. There was no doubt she had not heard it from her father. Hah, as if he ever sang in his life, much less to any of them. She seemed to remember it, perhaps she had sung it to the kids when she was putting them to bed? It was hard to remember. She knew she wasn’t doing a great job filling in as a parent, but what could you expect a sixteen year old to do, really? She was basically raising those kids, all four of them, it was a mircale they weren’t completely screwed up. Of course, then her dad had stepped in and sent them off to France, and her off to good ol’ Camp Brunswick. It was like a summer long anxiety attack, wondering if they wre still okay. Not that she didn’t trust her grandparents, of course, it was just the principal of the matter.

She only sort –of registered the voice, looking up to smile wryly. “Only on days like this.” She replied, her usually-hidden sarcasm leaking through. It was only a few seconds before she realized she was talking to a total stranger. Anxiety gripped her and she felt herself starting to draw in on herself. It was her natural instinct, hide in a corner and become invisible. She was quite good at it, actually, but unfortunately she had been….well, not cornered, but it was rather hard to hide in the middle of an open meadow when there were only two people. She accepted the flower more as she usually behaved, eyes trained firmly on the ground in front of the girl. “Sorry…” she mumbled in a softer tone, barely audible. She glanced up past her hair and caught sight of a friendly smile. Offering a tentative smile of her own, she noticed that the girl seemed pretty nice, but looked like she had a bit of a headache from the way that she carried herself and the tension of her muscles. “I’m Kylie…have we met?” She knew they hadn’t, but it seemed like something polite to say Maybe the girl needed a friend too. Maybe this was Kylie’s chance to be more than a shy, timid girl. Maybe they could be friends, they could help each other. No, that was silly. She was jumping ahead of herself. Best to see if she could actually muster up the courage to get a conversation going first. It was highly unlikely, but necessary if she was going to try to be more open and whatnot. What HAD she gotten herself in to? She was beginning to doubt herself again, no surprise there.

The girl was probably in sequoia, and probably had a million and one friends. Kylie was in yosemite, and had a few friends. Not too many, and her best friend was hardly someone she could confide in about everything, given the fact that she was in love with him. He was, of course, dating Duray. They were so HAPPY together. Stupid Duray. Stupid Duray and her pretty-ness and her hatred of Kylie. It was all so ridiculous and not fair. And generally completely awful. Duray knew Kylie had a thing for Oliver, and she was bound and determined to make Kylie suffer for it. In fact, Kylie wouldn’t be surprised if Duray told Oliver, just to make things horrible and awkward between them. Shuddering, she decided she could not allow herself to think of such a thing. It would only make things worse than they were already. Glancing up again, she offered another slightly shy smile, hoping it didn’t seem too fake. Smiling didn’t seem to be her strong suit lately. The girl was pretty, Kylie was pretty certain she had seen her around before. She seemed to recall she was one of the partying types. There seemed to be a lot of them around the camp, that was for sure.

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[Brie Marie Andra]

;;;brie marie andra

[/font]
.....BOO[/color][/font]
[/right]

Walks always help Brie nurse a headache, , well that and a hell of an aspirin. She had no idea where she was going to walk to but it was the journey not the destination. But Thad had disagreed on that with her. But then again he had disagreed with most of the things that sje had said in their sessions. He said that with out knowing the destination one would wonder in time and space unknown. That one went right over Brie’s head; she just shook her head and smiled at his British accent. If anything else, she would just tune him out and focus on the sexy drone of his voice. She would miss him while she was at Camp. She was allowed to call him and have phone session but she preferred the face-to-face better because she could focus on the small mole above his lip that gave him a feminine look to him. Before she went parting last night they had talked, well Thad talked and Brie listened. He was trying to convince her not to go to the party. But Brie just yawned at his explanation and wished him a good night then hung up.

Right about now she was regretting drinking, but not going to the party. She had met some cute boys and danced with a couple. She had a ball from what she could remember, which was limited. She could promise herself that she wasn’t going to drink anymore but that would just be lying to herself. Because she knew at the next opportunity she was going to get drunk and party like she had never before. It was just the way she was, she couldn’t help it. Why fix something that was working for her? That was always her question. She wouldn’t as Thad because he had an argument about everything. And sometimes it was annoying to be told that everything you thought was right is wrong…wrong…wrong…and incorrect. So she had a complex…we’ll so did Thad. But she loved him anyway even if he didn’t feel the same way… well he couldn’t seeing how if he did it would’ve been illegal. Breaking rules was Brie’s passion, she wouldn’t have had a problem but the guy trying to stop her from doing just that might.

Brie laughed at the girl’s comment, she had spunk. But then she withdrew as if she had said something wrong. How could speaking you’re mind be bad? Sure, she had gotten in trouble for it, but her thoughts were more sexual and vicious that a sarcasm. Speaking her mind had been a pastime that she used as much as she could. She had no problem with asking a question if she wanted to know. Random and open were the best word to describe Brie and she wouldn’t even know that she was that. It was the way she acted and it was natural to her, not labeled. Brie plopped down ungracefully onto the land in front of the girl. Her headache rattled a little but talking was always a cure… there were a lot of roads to the intersection. Another one of Thad quotes, to remind her that there was more that one answer to a question. Translated for Brie: more than one cure for a hangover. Brie put a head on the side of her face and leaned on it, willing her headache away, “Whatcha apologizing for, the flower didn’t do much damage.”[/b] Brie began to think it was for the comment but why take back humor? Laughter was the way to make friends right?

“Hiya Kylie,” She took her hand away from her face and pointed to herself, “Brie at you service.” She cracked a smile and wonder why the girl in front of her was so sad. She didn’t want to just come out and ask her like she normally would, she had some manners. “I don’t know. I’m in Sequoia, but you look familiar.” It could have been at a party but she didn’t seem like the party type and if she did, Brie doubted she would have remembered her, she could barely remember anything drunk. Just one of the sacrifices she made for forgetting her failures as a daughter. And she was willing to take it in stride for what it did to her. Her mother wasn’t a fond memory for her and she was all for forgetting her.

Brie didn’t like people being sad. It was no fun to feel depressed, she knew that for a fact. She went through that phase long enough to know that as the truth. She wished she could help Kylie. “Why the frown?” Brie went longer than she thought she could go. She could go though a conversation with thinking that something was wrong, that was just wrong. Like watching a animal get ran over and just continuing eating your ice cream cone. But if she didn’t wasn’t to talk about it she wouldn’t push, she knew people had secrets and Kylie didn’t put all her bisnees out there. Brie had interrupted her by striking up a conversation. Not that she regretted it, she was always up for a friend. Friends made the world go round. Brie always wondered if one had enough friends if all of them ran the opposite way that earth was spinning could they make the world rotate the other way.
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[Kylie Weaver]

_{Where are we going without ever knowing the way?}
Brie laughed at her sarcastic outburst, and the sound rang happily through the quiet. Kylie bit her lip, a very little bit less afraid. Laughter was a good thing; it meant the person in question probably did not hate her yet. At the very least, her invisibility seemed to have been thwarted. That did not seem to happen to often. The last time someone had not noticed she was trying to make herself invisible had been, well, Oliver. Maybe that was part of the reason she was so head over heels for him. But she wouldn’t think about that now. It did not do to dwell on dreams. Especially not the ones that seemed headed in the direction of nightmares. The girl spoke, and Kylie looked up, smiling a very small, slightly sheepish smile, and shrugged. What had she apologized for, really? The flower? Maybe… She apologized so much; it just seemed to come out whenever she needed something to say. It was almost a default answer these days.

The girl had thumped down in front of her, sending a gust of wind rippling across the flowers. It was pretty, watching the flowers. Comforting, somehow. The girl had an openness about her that Kylie liked quite a bit, it reminded her of how she wanted to be. “Nice to meet you Brie.” She replied in answer to her introduction, smiling back a bit more strongly this time. Maybe this talking thing would not be so bad. After all, no one had decided she was a freak yet, that was good. Usually, by now, people tended to realize she was that quiet girl who was always in the corner, never really talked to anyone, and did not like parties too much, and they immediately assumed she thought she was better than everyone else. Kylie never really knew what to say to that; it was obviously completely not true, but how is one supposed to convince people you are simple afraid of people in general? It is certainly not a topic that comes up quite a lot. Better to leave them to their delusions, she thought. Brie spoke again and Kylie shrugged. “I’ve been coming to camp for quite awhile now. You’ve probably just seen me around. It is a rather average sized community, after awhile you get to know ‘most everyone, at least by face.”

It was probably the longest sentence she had ever uttered in front of a complete stranger, but she didn’t seem to realize it. It had just sort of come out, much as she knew her words did when she was talking to people she was comfortable with, like her brother, the triplets, her few friends at school, and of course Oliver. She would not add her father to the list. She didn’t speak to him enough to know if she could do so comfortably. Maybe her mother might have been on the list, once upon a time. But it didn’t do to dwell on the past. That was not healthy for anyone.
Why the frown, eh? She smiled a little, shrugging slightly. “Oh, I guess its just been one of those sorts of days when things just aren’t working out how you hoped they would.” Understatement much? Not really, actually. Her situation was exactly that simple. She had hoped she could finally work up the courage to tell Oliver how she felt. She had not hoped that Oliver would end up dating Duray, who hated Kylie and knew that she had a thing for Oliver, and so was using that as blackmail against her. It was all very different from anything she had hoped for, but there you have it. Life got like that sometimes.

She did want to talk to someone about it, there was simply one problem. She didn’t know what to say. She was so out of practice confiding in people that she simply didn’t know how to do so anymore. She was slightly alarmed when she realized this, maybe she really really did need to get better about this whole ‘oh my god I can’t talk to people’ thing. It as getting pretty darn pathetic, all things considered. She looked over at Brie, slightly hopeful. Maybe she could tell her some of it, right? “Its just…its silly really. But…theres this guy. And he’s my best friend in the whole world…but” she trailed off, looking to the side and rolling her eyes at how stupid she sounded. “I like him. A lot. Maybe I love him, I don’t know. But he’s got a new girlfriend. And she hates me. Like, a ton. And she knows I like him, and she’s threatening to blackmail me about it.” She sighed heavily, shrugging. “Its silly really, I don’t know why I’m getting so worked up about it.”

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[Brie Marie Andra]

;;;brie marie andra

[/font]
.....BOO[/color][/font]
[/right]

Brie tilted her head to get a better look at the girl in front of her. She seemed shy, she had never understood why some people were shy. Why not go out there and have some fun, make mistakes, screw up a little, learn from it all. It was what she did ever day with vigor. She couldn’t possibly think of it any other way, maybe that was why she was still seeing Thad. She learned not to do drugs from finding herself bombed out of her mind being pushed into a car from some guy and not remembering the rest of the night. D.A.R.E. couldn’t give you that life lesson. Maybe Kylie was just different then her, she had never talked to a girl from the opposite cabin. She wasn’t a cabin-ist or whatever, she just never had the opportunity to talk to a Yosemite before. But she had the chance to now.

Well the girl must not make herself shy because she was good at holding her own in a conversation. She must have seen her around the camp, it wasn’t as if she held herself up in the corner, no she couldn’t see Kylie as one of those people. She had too much sweetness in her for that, Brie could see the overall goodness. Nice people always got what they wanted in the end. Whether they knew it or not, it was like fate or something. Brie was religious but coincidences were just too unreliable. Karma, fate that was something out of your control. All you had to do was make sure you made the right decisions and hope someone would see you for them. God, she was spending too much time with Thad, she was beginning to sound like him. Not the voice that brought to mind tangled sheets and entwined legs, but the overall goody voice that life would work itself out voice. God, she hated that voice.

“Yeah I guess so, I’m a still a little green to this, but I’ve seemed to have made friends.” Brie laughed at herself slightly, if one could call them friends. Those temporary people that you meet at a party, that brief connection that happens in passing, strong enough to start up a conversation but not potent enough to last a second meeting. Maybe it was because once they were out of their scene that had nothing to relate to, nothing that they had in common. Brie guessed that this was different, mainly because she wasn’t drunk and because she herself was already out of her element of hard music and sweaty horny guy all packed in-between four walls. She was in Kylie’s territory were she seemed content with the flowers and nature. Brie only wished she had the patience to appreciate Mother Nature but she may have a taste of ADHD. Her excuse for not being able to sit and admire for awhile. She’d probably have to work on that, maybe that was Kylie looked so serine even with the broken look in her eyes.

“Like a killer hangover?” She made it more of a statement than a question. “Joking. But doesn’t that just made you wish you could go back in time? God, if I could do that, I wouldn’t know were to start. But that would take the fun out of life, changing it to be the way you want it to be. Making it your life, in every sense of the word? Then were would faith come in? Fate and Karma too? Maybe we were just made to deal. Just deal.” Only when she heard herself in the faint echo, did she realize she spoke aloud. She didn’t mean to say all of that. It was always happening to her, saying her thoughts aloud. “Sorry didn’t mean to…” Brie made a rolling motion with her hand. “Babble. It just kind of happens sometimes.”

Brie soften a little when she heard Kylie speak of her best friend. “It’s not silly, at least not to you right, he obviously means something?” Brie winced when she heard about the girlfriend. Love triangles…yech. Always turned out bad, no matter what. You’d think shapes would be fun. Brie remembered as a kid when she had that game where the kid would have to fit the shapes in certain shaped. They had to the be the right fit, and she was positive that the triangle didn’t fit into the shape that resembled the heart. “Ugh, sounds like normal adolescent behavior. We all suffer from it. Me, I would take her down but I’m just a vindictive person though. So why don’t you want your best friend to know how you feel? If you tell him first she can’t use it against you.” Drama was always better when you’re drunk and could blame it on the alcohol but this was real and she was hurting for the girl.
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