if i had my own world;;a l l e n

[Allen Norton]

entry 1;;
i.have.no.dick.

seriously. what kind of guy has one of these things? there pathetic. and stupid. and if anybody ever found this thing i would probably shoot myself. i don't know why i have this thing. i forgot. somebody told me to pack it to write something about me changing. express a serious side of myself. i don't know the exact wording. but i know it was all a bunch of bullshit. if i do think of the exact wording i'll make sure to write it down so in a year or so when i read this thing i'll get a good laugh.

change. i don't know. i kind of believed in that word for a minute. like, a whole bunch of people where telling me how i can change. and how, with a little effort, it won't be as bad as it seems. and i believed them. and maybe i do now. but honestly, i don't find there to be a big problem.

and back at home, i have to wonder how things are doing. sure, everyone back home are a bunch of cock sucking whores, but, i haven't really talked to to many people back there since i've done the whole move to the camp. and i haven't even been here long and i'm homesick. i mean, after what happened with my dad you would think that i would want to be as far away from home as possible. and last year and this year i thought this is what i would want to. but of course, i'm just missing home. maybe i should have just stayed there last year. it would have helped sort some things out

anyways, it's starting to get dark, and i'm sitting here writing in a journal. all so i can have a good laugh next year. ah fuck this. im out.

-allen

p.s.
[do i really have to put my name at the end of each entry? won't you just know it's me?]

p.s.s.s..ss.s.s.s..s.s
i realize this doesn't make much sence, but im not pouring out my whole life to you in just one journal entry, my dearest journal. you'll have to wait to really understand. and to tell you the truth, i'm very confused myself. i want to seee how this storys going to end.

[/size][/blockquote]

[Allen Norton]

entry 2;;
i.wanna.be.a.cowboy.baby..

ha. no not really. i want to see how more perfect things can get. for real. i haven't been here for to long and i've already met up with lacey. and get this, guess who's here. hanna. yeah. it's a holy shit moment. if i can change a little bit, and more people that i know keep showing up, this will be the best year ever. blah im so happy. like last year was the best, like i thought it was going to suck, but it ended up just being one big party and shit. and this year i have the feeling that it's going to be even better then how good i already expect to be. of course they're going to be more parties, but my new personal goal is to focus less on the parties. i know; a yellowstone boy saying that? he muust be crazy. maybe i am. but moost likely this whole goal thing won't work and i'll just be my usual drunk self who happends to do things a little to heavily. i don't care; it's not like i haven't been in that position before. the only thing that worrys me really is me and hanna. like, i love her. i seriously think i do. actualy; i seriously think i know. and i never, ever, say 'love' or 'know' so for me to even be writting this down is a big thing. and even though we're going out and whatever, i still haven't been able to really say that. it just makes me feel so...sick almost. like i'll say something and she'll be like 'oh? well' because she doesn't really feel like that back. then i would never show my face again. but lets just say that this all happends and things are perfect. i know from last year that there was a whole bunch of partying going on, like hardcore. and what if it gets hanna back into the whole shit that happened before? what if i get worse then i was last year? because i want to party, but i'm not sure that i would be able to or if she would want to go after what happened last year. i would stay with her if everyone was out partying; and i would say 'okay it's fine' but im not sure if i would really, really, really, mean it. and if im not drinking partying im drinking alone, which is when i really don't have anyone there to say 'yo, allen, quit with the booze ok?' and i normally manage to put it down. god im pathetic. but at least i've addressed a problem that i can solve in this 'perfect' situation before it happends? maybe i can fix it in time?

--allen

p.s. figured out my question yet?

[/size][/blockquote]